


Burke's Lay

by AlbatrossGJ



Category: Burke's Law
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-20
Updated: 2019-02-20
Packaged: 2019-11-01 11:38:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17866547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbatrossGJ/pseuds/AlbatrossGJ
Summary: Burke's Law (1963-66) was a television show about millionaire Captain of the L.A. Police, Amos Burke, who solved crimes with the assistance of handsome apprentice Detective Tim Tilson.  This fragment of a spec script (fictional, of course) details a direction the show should have gone all along...





	Burke's Lay

CONTINUED

SCENE: L.A. Country Club Golf Course, first tee. BURKE is dressed in natty polo shirt, ascot and checked pants. TILSON is still in his tailored gray suit and thin tie.

BURKE  
(Pointing)  
Henry, grab me the Driver, would you?

HENRY  
Right away, boss.  
(retrieves the club from the bag and hands it to BURKE)

BURKE  
You know, Tim, you'd probably swing a lot more freely in the right clothes.

TILSON  
Well, unless you've got a set I can borrow...

BURKE  
Not with me. (cups hand) Fore! (swings)

HENRY  
Good shot, boss!

BURKE  
The virtues of practice and clean living. Shall we see where it lies?

SCENE CHANGE TO THE EDGE OF THE FIRST GREEN

TILSON  
That's a good lay, Captain.

BURKE  
Why thank you. Henry, my putter.

HENRY  
I'll go get it, boss.(HENRY trots back to the cart)

BURKE  
(eyeing TILSON speculatively)  
What's the matter, Detective? Something on your mind?

TILSON  
Actually, Captain, I've got a sort of...side case I've been working on. Maybe you could give me some advice.

BURKE  
Always happy to help an understudy.

TILSON  
(chuckles)  
By the way, how did your date with Susan go?

BURKE  
Oh? Isn't this mixing business with pleasure? It went very well, thank you. She cooks excellent pancakes.

HENRY returns with the putter and hands it to BURKE who lines up for his putt.

TILSON  
See, that's puzzling.

BURKE  
What is?

TILSON  
How Susan cooked you breakfast when she didn't stay the night.

BURKE swings crookedly, missing the ball entirely.

TILSON  
Looks like I'm not the only one who's stiff.

BURKE  
(points the club accusingly at TILSON)  
And how would you know Susan didn't sleep over?

TILSON  
It didn't take much sleuthing. I drove past her house on the way home and the light was on in her window.

BURKE  
Detective, are you spying on your boss?

TILSON  
Just extending police courtesies, Captain.

BURKE  
(lining up for the shot again)  
There's such a thing as taking a job too seriously.

TILSON  
In fact, I don't think any of the women you've dated in the past month have actually stayed the night.

BURKE flubs the shot.

TILSON  
Maybe if you grabbed the shaft higher up...

BURKE  
Don't tell me how to grip, junior.  
(walks up to TILSON)  
What are you getting at, anyway?

TILSON  
I'm just collecting evidence, Captain.

BURKE  
Oh? And what else is in that file of yours?

TILSON  
Exhibit A: Suspect is 44, eligible, rich, some might say attractive...

BURKE  
Some might.

TILSON  
And yet still single.

BURKE  
Is that a crime?

TILSON  
Not that I can tell. It is peculiar, though. Exhibit B: Suspect has dated no fewer than 27 different women in the past year, and never the same one more than twice.

BURKE  
They say variety is the spice of life.

TILSON  
Yes, something like that.

BURKE  
Come again?

TILSON  
Anyway, at first I put it down to a fear of commitment.

BURKE  
A common disease in this town.

TILSON  
Sure, but it doesn't fit the suspect's personality. He's a grounded, mature, responsible man.

BURKE  
You turn my head, Tim.

TILSON  
So I reason maybe there's a cover-up going on.

BURKE  
And just what am I covering up?

TILSON  
Maybe a taste for a really exotic spice.

BURKE  
(pauses)  
Oh. You're not talking about a spice. You're talking about the forbidden fruit!

TILSON  
Just piecing together the evidence, Captain.

BURKE  
And just what would it take for you to, ah, clinch this case?

TILSON  
Clearly, I'd need to catch the suspect in the act.

HENRY  
Boss, are you guys going to play golf or what?

BURKE  
(handing club back to Henry) Or what, Henry. Suddenly I find myself tired of the game.

SCENE CHANGE TO INTERIOR OF ROLLS ROYCE

BURKE sits to left of TILSON in uncomfortable silence. Both are looking straight forward. Just then, the car phone rings.

HENRY  
I think that's Miss Carol calling. You have a date tonight.

The phone continues to ring.

TILSON  
Aren't you going to answer that?

BURKE  
And give you more fuel for your investigation?

Eventually the ringing stops.

BURKE  
You're not going to let this case go, are you Detective?

TILSON  
Not until I get my last piece of evidence.

BURKE  
Persistent. That's commendable in an up-and-comer.

TILSON  
Thank you, Captain.

BURKE  
Hmm. Well, I can't have you distracted by side projects.

TILSON  
No?

BURKE  
No. A detective should focus on one case at a time until it's cracked. Burke's law.

TILSON  
Yes, Captain.

BURKE  
(sighing)  
Maybe some music will help liberate this evidence you're looking for. Jazz or classical?

TILSON  
Jazz sounds good.

BURKE  
You kids are all alike.  
(puts tape in player. Jazz music fills the cabin. He places his hand on TILSON's knee)

Camera pans to HENRY, BURKE and TILSON blurring out of focus. HENRY raises his eyes to the ceiling.

HENRY  
Here we go again.

Music swells. Finis.


End file.
